
Class JL&2J2. 
BookJ_l_54_ 




Ask your Bookseller to send for "The Rajah." 




"THE RAJAH." 

— >->>OR THEV 1 - 

: (qfeat presidential ^porting E^cui$on 

^-S-TO the-V 1 - 

YELLOWSTONE yk\% 

(THE SUPPRESSED REPORT.) 




J3 BURLESQUE 

ILLUSTRATED BY "DOUGH-RAW." 

Price of "Rajah," single copy, paper cover, 25c; cloth, 40c. 
Thirty per cent, off to the trade. All orders promptly attended 
to, by addressing-, (price inclosed,) 



m 



m^±£m. 



U.N.C.DUNKAM 106 5th Ave., Chicago, III. 




"'N 30 \Mi 



THE RAJAH, 



OK THE CiKBAT 



Presidential Sportin 




xtxxr&xon 



OF 



^^^ 1 B B 3 . ^f^^ 



J-\ jdupicsque, --«- li) Hour v2/<2tr|ios. 



BY UNC. DUNKAM 



ILLUSTRATED BY DOUGH-RAW. 



Once reigned a great Rajah, in the Indian East, 

He " fished " and he "hunted, 1 ' he was fond of a " feast,' 

A right frisky old Rajah, (as the Rajah-books tell), 
And yet, all his people loved the Rajah, right well. 



1884. 



THE RAJAH. 




Here you have a view, of a few, of the Fifty Millions, who 
stood so long on the tips of their toes, in "painful expectancy.''' 



THE RAJAH. 



% CANTO ONE. 



THE INCEPTION. 



PART 1. Relates how the idea of a great Fishing and 
Hunting Excursion to the Rocky Mountains, first dawned upon the 
world. Flow the great Ruler of Fifty Millions of people presented 
the project to his Cabinet. How that august body kindly received 
the proposition, and, after an all-night session, fully endorsed his 
plans. And how that Cabinet, concluding -its labors, arose from 
its sitting posture, with the rising of the morrow's sun. 



Ill eighteen (never mind the date.) 

'Twas when great Chester ruTd the State, 

And sat, (a jovial soul,) upon 

The seat which once bore Washington. 

The tempests which had swept the land, 
Had pass'd away ; the skies were bland ; 
And round the White House, where, of yore, 
Was surging strife and battle's roar, 
In Lincoln's time, — now, all was still, 
And Peace, sat throned on " Capitol hill." 



And so, — (the political "signs" being "right. 
Within the Executive Chambers, bright, 
Joy rul'd the day, and revel rul'd the night! 



THE RAJAH. 



But rust doth gnaw, 

The chieftain's blade, 
And statesmen who 

Affect the shade, 

Are very far from famous, 

So Arthur, tired 

Of ennui, 
Resolved to seek 

The further sea, 
And have, by Jove! 

A sporting spree. 

So fine he felt, and "gamousT 

Then summon-ing his Cabi-^, 
His plans .he straight before them set- 
He meant, you see, no "gammon," 
"Let others fish for dace," said he, 
"Or hunt for hares, but as for me, 
I go for elk, and salmon .'" 



At these grand words loud plaudits shook 

The White House turrets high, 
And each wise statesman, seemed to see, 

A fish-hook in his eye ; 
He seemed to see a fishing-rod, 

A fishing-rod and line, 
And Pres'dent A. afishiug there, 

In streams of Rhenish wine. 



THE FA J AH, 



And then, again, he seemed to see 

A buck, with antlers tall, 
Atumbling down a jyreci-jnce^ 
Killed, by a rifle ball. 



But this was dizzy fancy, all, 
'Twas not the sight of sense, 

The game was yet in Wyoming, 
And must be brought, from thence. 



Night fell on tower and chimney top, 

Around that Cshi-net, 
Yet midnight found them at their toil 

All drenched with mental sweat ! 
For ne'er before, in Chester's day, 

Such weighty matter hung, 
Upon the poise of ponderous thought. 

Or wag of mighty tongue. 



Then up, again, spoke Chester, he. 
His voice was clear and high, 

Within his cheek the red blood glowed. 
And flashed, his eagle eye ! 



THE RAJAH. 



"I go, most noble father? forth, 

A Pullman car within, 
To "do" the Rocky Mountain peaks, 

And fish in Wyoming! 
And whilst I "bob" for gamiest fish. 

Within yon mountain lakes. 
I'll keep my eyes and ears alert, 

For turkeys, geese and drakes. 
And whilst I shoot much chamois sheep. 

In many a mountain glen, 
I hope to "bag" a "grizzly," too, 

A "grizzly," now and then ! 
But, should I chance to meet, far out, 

In savage Monta-na, 
Old "Sitting Bull,"— I'll let him "*#!" 

Another "Citaway'!" 



Then up arose that Ruler, great, 

And bowing*, said — "Good day."— 
Then placed he on his head his hat, 

And calmly walked, away. 
Then up 'rose, too, that Cabiw/. 

As rose that morning sun, 
But straight to bed they hurri-ed ! 

Their "cabinet-work? was done I 



THE RAJAH. 




Here you see what that Cabinet seemed to see, in its ail-night 
session. 

The object with horns, is the "buck. 11 

To the right are the 'fishing-rods and lines, 1 ' and beneath, is 
a "stream of Rhenish wine." 

The "blur 1 ' on the side of the mountain, is a mountain shrub. 



10 THE RAJAH. 



THE ANNOUNCEMENT. 



PART II. Shows liow beautiful was the dawn of the suc- 
ceeding day, as viewed, by the great Jubilator, from the casement 
of his lofty window. How he signaled to the people of the great 
American capital, his design to depart for the Western mountains; 
and how great were the rustlings and shoutings and rejoicings of 
the populace, at this announcement. 



'Twas jocund morn ; 

The God of day, 
Had drank his "horn," 

Of "morning dew," 
Much, you, may say, 

As others do. 
'Twas ruddy morn. 

The sun, "arrayed" in royal robes, arose, — 
Just as "Prince Arthur" donn'd his sporting- 
clothes, 

And peeping out, betimes, from casement' high. 
Surveyed the splendors of the Western sky. 

"All right!" said he, 
"The Powers that Be ! 
Have deigned, once more. 
To favor me !" 



THE RAJAH. 11 



And seizing in his hand a battle flag, 

He leaned far out and gav't a vigorous wag, 

A signal this,. to all the crowds below, 

That forth, that day, he would u a sporting go /" 



The wakeful city 

Watch'd, with eager gaze, 
To see the window 

Of that casement raise; 
And when they saw, 

That flag "a floating" there, 
Great sounds of hubbub, 

Filled the "ambient" air! 



And now, from far, came sounds of hurrying feel, 
The tramp of horses — horses, fierce and fleet, 
Who struck sharp fire from pavements of the street. 



Then, other sounds arose, 

(To split the ear,) 
And a*s the time, drew on, 

Those sounds, drew near 
Blent with shrill fife, 

And rat-a-tat of drum; 
Sure omens, these, 

Of high official "bum!" 



n THE RAJAH 



And now, the city's avenues, 

Are choked with human heads, 
And roar, like swollen torrents, 

Just bursting from their beds; 
And now, like ocean billows, 

By tempests lashed to foam, 
The masses move, in surges,— 

And dash 'round Arthur's home! 




THE RAJAH. 13 



THE DEPARTURE. 



PART III. Relates how, when the design of the "Jubilator" 
was made generally known, the people ot Washington were nearly 
beside themselves. How, all over the city there was "hurrying 
and scurrying 11 to get to the starting place in good time. How the 
city was decorated for the occasion. And how there was a striking 
manifestation of natural phenomena at the departure of the 
Excursion train, on its long trip to the Western mountains. 



'•Then there was hurrying in hot haste," 

The noble -sportsman and his "clattering car. 
"Went thundering forward, with impetuous pace. 
Down the broad Avenue, to the starting place, 
Which yet, was in the distance, far. 



This turned the tide; — the masses surging back, 
Now roll'd their torrents to'ard the Railroad 

track ; 
And as they roll'd, the city bells rang out, 
And "all the city 1 ' joined the mighty rout ! 



14 THE RAJAH. 

Big cannon boom'd; 

Great "dinner-gongs" were sounded; 
Tin horns were blown; 

And all the drums were pounded I 
From ev'ry steeple, 

Stuck a fish pole high, 
As if to fish, 

For gudgeons, in the sky ! 

" Winchester rifles' pour'd, 

(From chimney tops,) 
Upon the "troubled air. 

Their thunderous "pops!" 
While noisier "shot guns' — 

In the hands of boys, — 
{All youthful "Nimrods") 

Fill'd the world with noise! 

The car-bells jangled; 

All the "cranks" harangued ; 
Gay belles-, their tresses, fair, 

With "trout-flys" "banged" 
The dudes, "cut Lubin, dead," 

And lisping louder, 
Went prancing 'round to smell, 

The "smell" of powder. 

A thousand wm -flags, wav'd ! 

On every side! 
Best brands of high /nines, pour'd, 

A "refluent tide /" 



THE RAJAH. ir> 



Old men cheer'd, loudly ; 

All the horses neighed I 
The children shouted, 

And the asses brayed ] 
Street organs, wheezmg. 

Caused the air to groan. 
And brassiest music 

Drown' d the bag-pipe's drone ! 



The ships flung rockets, 

All the engines tooted ; 
The news-boys shrieked, 

The ragged gamin hooted ! 
Department clerks smashed up 

Their desks, by scores ! 
Great city merchants, 

Gave away their stores ! 
And e'en wise Congress, 

Turrid itself out doors ! 

And all— and thus — in mighty surges pourd, 
To where Chefs engine, steam'd, and puffed, 
and roar'd ! 



And when, from that throng-ed depot, 

That mighty train "pulled out" 
The shores of all the i^V-o-mac, 
Were vended with the shout ! 



16 



THE RAJAH 



And when*that mighty fisherman. 
Came forth, and look'd about,— 

The heavens, themselves, were rent in twain! 
And all the clouds droppd out ! 



Good sooth ! such glorious "starting," 

No eye hath ever seen, 
For "fishing" or for "hunting," Sirs. — 

Since Dido was a queen! 




THE RAJAH. 1} 



THE COMMISSARY DEPARTMENT. 



PART IV. Shows how Public Functionaries, in preparing for 
their pleasure excursions, never stint themselves in the matter of 
''supplies ;" and how, in this case, the amount of "solid and liquid 
refreshments' 1 provided, was a marvel to all beholders, and espec- 
ially, to the "grangers" along the route of the Excursionists 
toward the Western mountains. 



But hold! my Muse! 

Thou trav'lest' faster, 
Than was intended, 

By thy master. 

No train, without supplies. 

Can far go, 
As ships sail not, without 

A cargo. 

So when great men go forth. 

For Fun, 2 
Think not their rations, are a sand- 

Wich'd bun ! 



18 THE RAJAH. 



Or that they moisten, sparingly, 

Their throttles, 
With "cows milk" from a "few" 

Small bottles ! 

Alas ! not so ! not so ! (as in 

This case,) 
Immense the store of meats 

And whiskeys. 

Shell-fish and pickles, fruits from 

Every clime, 
And Seventy Thousand rases 

Of old wine, 

Fill'd forty freight cars to the 

Muzzle full. 
As much as two strong engines 

Well could pull! 

And as, across the continent, 
This mighty train, it thundered, 

The people stood agape and stared ! 
And stood ! and stared ! and wondered ! 

Great city nabobs, held their breath! 

The women, lost their senses ! 
And (ill the farmers, left their fields, 

And sat' upon the fences ! 



THE RAJAH 



19 




This spirited "engraving 11 shows you the manner in which the 
Western farmers "sat upon the fences,' ' when the Excursion train 
passed on toward the mountains. 

They lift up their hands, (and feet, too,) as you see, in surprise 
and astonishment. 



20 THE RAJAH 



And when that train had thunder'd past, 
Lord ! wer'nt the grangers savage ! 

To see two half-filled Pullmans, and, 
Just Forty cars of baggage ! 3 



. b 9 j .f . v 2^Q^- 



THE RAJAH. 21 



CANTO TWO 



THE FORCED MARCH. 



PART V. Relates how the great Pleasure Party, consisting 
of the Jubilator himself, the Guests, the Henchmen and the 
''Hangers-on," were met at the end of the great '[free ride" by 
Hayes' (indian-fighting) Cavalry; a large number of indians; three 
hundred packers, with their mules; and about fifty mountain jehus, 
with their "go-carts;" and how, they all, together, made a 
'"Forced" March to the mountains. Herein, also, of the first sad 
accident of the Excursion. 



Now, the great "free-ride" was ended, 4 

On the rails of the U. P. R., 
And A. and his chums, pre-par-ed, 

To pull from the Pullman car. 
They had cross'd the great "Windy Desert," 

And the streams of al-ka-li, * 
And would fain, on mules, and in "go-carts," 

Scale the cliffs 'gainst the Western sky. 



"Push on ! Push on !" shouted Chester, 
"For I count neither days nor weeks, 
'Till I cast my trout-flies downward, . 

From the'crypts of those mighty peaks!" 



22 THE RAJAH 



So, with donkeys, and on mules, and in "go-carts/* 
They all hurried and scurried away, 

To fish in the the "Teton Basin,' 1 
Which afar in those mountains lay. 

So they travel'd, and travel'd, and travel'd, 
'Till the hoofs of their mules were sore, 

'Till the wheels dropp'd off from their "go-carts." 
And yet, they must locomote more. 

The "bottle laden" beasts grew weary ! 

Their drivers, they wickedly swore ! 
The troopers, (900,) grew been/, 

But yet, they "must" "locomote" more ! 



And thus, that cavalcade mov'd on, — 

As slowly sank the western sun, — 
Alone; that mountain road ; 

Three hundred "thoughtful mules," in line, 
All laden with the choicest wine, 

Mov'd on, with "measured" tread. 
When, lo ! one mule she stumble-ed, 

Beneath the weight she bore. 
And down, that mule, she tumble-ed, 

A thousand feet, or more ! 
The bottles, and the mule, were smash'cl ! 

And sad it we»re, to tell, 
How great the cloud of grief \ which there, 

Upon those "marchers' fell ! 



THE RAJAH. 



23 











iMz 




The sudden descent of the "Ass's Daughter." 

The objects just beneath the ''mule,"' are three of the 500 bot- 
tles, mentioned in the text. 

The dog-like animal is supposed to be a howling "kyote," and 
the figure to the left of the tree, is a ••moaning redskin.' 1 



24 THE RAJAH. 



For, when that mule de-scend-i-ed, 

Five hundred bottles broke ! 
And the moanings of the redskins, 

The howls of the kyotes woke ! 
And when that mule was lying there, 

That daughter of an ass! 
'Midst all those signs of sad-i-ness, 

For all that broken glass, 
And what was gurgling, "there about," 

Within that mountain pass ! 
! sad it was, to view "that are ! " 

Alas ! Alas ! ! Alas ! ! ! 




THE RAJAH. 25 



THE HUNTING COMMENCES. 



PART VI. Relates how, on the ''Grand March 11 through the 
mountains, (Mike Sheridan, the "official reporter, 11 being in the 
advance, ) Red Jack suddenly discovers large game. And how the 
Jubilator and other "Immortal Three, 11 give the balance of the 
party a brilliant illustration of their "Mmrodian" skill, in the 
shooting of a chamois, commonly called "skm-m^." 



And yet push'd they onward. 

O'er valley and hill, 
Led on by Joe Buckskin 

And Arrapoo Bill ; 
Led on by "Red Jack," 

The chief of his tribe, 
By Te-kum-se-wah-wah, 

And by "Michael," the ."Scribe." 

On marched the grand party. 
Along Wind River's side, 

But the "pink" of the party 
Was "Michael, the Scribe," 

Who rode in a "go-cart," 
'Behind the mule, "Bill," 



26 THE RAJAH. 

L 



On his side, a huge ink-horn, 

In his ear, a huge quill, 
And strapped to his waist 

Was a "worm" of the still \ 
While aloft, in his right hand. 

His great scissors he swung. 
As he slastid, right and left, 

The old guide-books, among! 



But now, "Halt!" was the word which came 
ringing, 

From the front of that " fishermen's line," 
And the mules, with the rest, they all halted, 

For they'd come to a scene "quite sublime. " 



Red Jack had espied, 

On the bleak mountain side, 

On a slanting cliff and steep, 
Well out on the tag 
Of a mountain crag, 

The form of a "mountain sheep." 

Then, forth stepp'd noble Chester, — 
His bearing proud and high — 

In his grasp a "Winchester rifle," 
Which he brought to his blazing eye 



THE RAJAH, 



27 




The shooting of the chamois — or "sham- my." 

And still, bold indian hunters. 

That hapless sheep pursue, 
Far toward the wilds of Oregon, 

'Midst mountains, vast and blue. 



28 THE RAJA 11 . 



The guests, and the henchmen, they ga-zed. 

To see that chamois fall! 
"Ker-pop !" went the beautiful rifle ! — 

But the game, never "budged" at all! 



Sprang forth, then, "portly" Stager, 

Unlimber-ed he his gun, 
He sighted as for a wager, 5 

Then let her go — Jeer-bung! 
This shot it rang out louder, 

The rocks and crags among, 
But the "sprightly" sheep its u t<d1-j>ieceJ 

To a "loftier" angle, flung ! 



Then forth, the gallant Rollins, 

With rifle at his eye, — 
"I'll shoot that sheep, by Jingo ! ! " 

And bang! his shot let fly! 
The "game," escaped! — but the shootist, 

That gun did nearly kill, — 
It "kiefc-ed its owner over ! 6 

And tumbled him, down the hill! 



Whereat great Vest, the Nestor 

Of "poker" and of jest. 
Roared out a shout of laughter 

Which rent in twain his vest! 
Which split in two his waistbands. 

His underclothing tore! 



THE RAJAH 



29 



In sooth, such boisterous laughter, 

Was never heard before, 
In the valley where the Yellowstone, 

Her peaceful waters pour. 



And still, bold indian hunters, 

That hapless sheep pursue, 
Far to'ard the wilds of Oregon, 

'Midst mountains, vast and blue, 
They want that "sham^my" sheep, right bad!*% 

To make a — "rabbit-stew." 



J5%. $*&. 5%^ 5*fc S*fc 




^i "^ ^ ^ ^m 



m THE BAJAH 



THE SHOOTINC OF THE BEAR. 



PART VII. Relates how the Grand Cavalcade struggles on- 
ward toward the goal. Shows the manner in which it " blazes 
its way" through the wilderness. How the great Jubilator catch- 
es his first fish. How "the Governor, 11 by "hook 11 or by crook, 
secures a "string", 11 for his own glory. How the Surgeon of the 
party shoots a "feline. 11 And how Michael Sheridan, (greatest 
achievement of all !) while himself considerably "slewed," shir 
a Bear ! 



Again the great camp, it is moving, 

The command of its leader was — "Go ! " 

So, they "folded their tents, like the Arabs," 
And as silently follow'd, "Big Joe." 



The "big men," and "sogers," and indians. 

With their mules, squaws, and horses and dogs, 

Push'd on to'ard the "Park of the Nation," 
Over fens, fells, and mountains and bo°rs. 



THE RAJAH. n 



By tugging, and pushing. 

And fasting, 
They made forty miles, 

In a day, 
But they "blazed" 

With "U. S." broken bottle*. 
Ever// mile, 

Of their wilderness way. 



But, again, the night overtook them, 

So they pitch'd their tents, as before, 
On the banks of romantic waters, — 

On "Jake Creek's" plastic shore. 
Here Forwood shot a "feline," 

' • Con-sid-er- a-blij ' i wild,' ' 
And "Unc, Crosby," from one Heestine, 

A string of "peerch" "begidVd." 
And whilst the stoves were glowing, 

And the camp-fires blazed without. 
The President went afishing, 

And caught, a " horned pout ! ' 

But the greatest of the adventures, 
Which hap-pen-ed "then and there," 

Was the feat of Michael Sheridan, 
The shooting oj the Hear !! 



32 THE RAJAH. 



'Twas known that Michael, "now, and then,". 

From out the muzzle of his pen, 
Fired deadly shots at public men, 

Quite deft and handy ; 
But when he makes a clutch at fame, 

By bringing down this bigger game, 
The people ask, (they're not to blame !) 

For the modus operanda. 
'Twas thus : "While searching for a hare, 
"He came upon a fierce old bear, 

"Crouch'd amidst bones and blood ;" 
There crouch'd the bear, so gaunt and grim, 
He'd found. Ah! No! The bear'd found, him! 
Alone I ! Aniid the wood ! 



He'd met, before, with "Bull and Bruin," 
Whose fights presaged financial ruin ;" 

These, he could face! 
But now, each hair upon his head 
Stood up, and quaked with mortal dread ! 
And o'er his face, 
An ashen pallor came. 
Ye Gods! 'Tw T as plain, 
This, was no poker * 4 game!" 

The bear, (tail foremost !) made a rush ! 
Michael took refuge, 'hind a bush ; 
The bear swung 'round, as if to hug ! 
"Hi! Hi!" cried Mike, now comes the tug! 



THE RAJAH. 



Then Michael ran ; the bear ran after ! 
And fill'd the woods with husk// laughter \ 
Bad hap ! Mike stumbled, as he run, 
And dropping from his grasp his gun, 
Pitch'd headlong o'er a granite boulder, 
And sprain d the muscles of his shoulder. 

Bruin rush'd on I Mike glanced back, wistful, 
Shut both his eyes, and clutch'd his pistol! 
Shot, from his heart, an anxious prayer, 
That heaven would save him from the bear ! 

Then, o'er his shoulder, fired ! 
The bullet hit a tree, and glancing by, 
Buried itself, in bruin's starboard eye ! 

The Bear, expired ! 



The camp-ers came, and saw ! 

Yast ! vast ! their wonder \ 
And straight to camp they dragg'd. 

Their " mighty plunder !" 



And, ever since, when Michael's name is heard. 

Their " souls," and " cocktails" are profoundly 

stirrd ! 
With hearts all ravish' d by this u lucky blunder, 11 
a Immortal Mike ! " they shout, " Thou son ol 
Thunder ! ! 



34 



THE RAJAH 




The ferocious-looking" "wild beast 1 ' which is rearing itself 
upon its hind legs, is the Bear. 

The recumbent figure to the right of the tree, is the "Immor- 
tal Mike," "The Son of Thunder." 



THE RAJAH. St 



THE CAMP ESTABLISHED. 



PART VIII. Relates how, at length, the great "Excursioners 11 
Camp, was permanently pitched in the vicinity of the ''Teton 11 
mountain's. And how, when it was evening, and the summer 
moon was fast "shedding" her radiance, the "Youthful, 11 (and 
always Faithful) "Secretary 11 while guarding the camp from in- 
truders, performed all alone, by himself, a deed of valor. 



And now, they pitch their tents, 

Within that clime, 
Where mightiest mountains % 

Lift their brows sublime ; 
Where tower the Tetons, 

Triad vast and grand, 
The cloud-crown' d monarchs 

Of the mountain land. 



'Tis evening's hour. On Venter's silent shores, 
The Summer moon, her gentle radiance pours, 
And all the stars which gem the Summer night — . 
Seem crowding downward, now, with nil their might, 
To secure front ///aces, for a mundane sight : 
The tents of Arthur, and his camp-fires bright. 



36 THE RAJAH. 



But hold! again, my Muse 
Move thou with care ! 

For, near those fishing-tents, 
Prowls one more Bear ! 

A what ? A Bear ? 

Ah ! Yes, indeed ! ! 
A big one, too ! 

And of the indian breed ! 



But prowls he not "for long, 1 ' 

Those tents among ; 
The "man of War, is there, 

Who beards the Bear, 

Within his very lair ! 
And with most " deadly "aim, 
Lodges six bullets in his bruin brain ! 

The monster growls ! 

And dies ? 

Behind a log ! — 

They drag him forth ! 
And find ! 

The Bear's — a Dog ! ! 
A Dog ! incog ! ! 



THE RAJAH. SI 



CANTO THREE 



THE SECOND DELUGE. 



PART IX. Gives an account of the great Deluge, and the 
various stratagems resorted to. in the emergency. Shows, also, 
.what wise and extensive preparations were being set on foot by 
the great " Jubilator, ' ! for saving from a second submersion of the 
world, a sufficiently large fragment of the old population, to start 
a ne/r one. 



'Tis night ! dark night ! 

The rain falls fast ! 
And now, and then, 

A fierce, wild blast 
Of mountain wind, 

Raves 'round the tents, 
And makes, therein, 

Some fearful rents ! 



X8 THE RAJAH. 



Then, like the growl 

Of angry bear, 
A sullen sound, 

In upper air, 
Is heard, and from 

The mountain peaks, 
The storm god, through 

His trumpet, speaks. 



Anon, the lightning's fork-ed " lance," 

Darts, gleaming, through the heaven's expanse. 

Portentous, o'er the camp doth " quiver," 

Then, " stabs" the " bosom" of the river ! 



Now, nearer doth the thunder roar, 
A deluge, now, the rain doth pour. 
And torrents, from the hills, rush down, 
As if that doom-ed camp to drown; 
'Till ev'ry table, and bench, and stool, 
And every ass, and shoat, and mule, 
And every flask, and cask, and flagon, 
And every cart, and baggage-wagon, 
Went floating, recklessly, around, 
Within that water// "camping ground ! " 
While campers great, and campers small, 
ClimVd spruce trees short, and red-woods tall, 
To save their bodies, their souls, and all! 



THE FA J AH. 3.9 



Some hung, by fish-lines, to the trees, 
And swung i with every fitful. breeze ! 
Some clamber d to the topmost branches, 
And percKd there on their aching haunches ! 
While " heavier weights" the tents bestraddled, 
And sat there, till their brains were addled ! 

Alas ! Alas ! Such dire affliction, 
Was never known, in Dumas' fiction ! " 



But now, a terrible clap of thfunder, 
Tears all the clouds of heaven asunder ! 
Filling all hearts with dread and wonder ! 



u 



At which, the Ruler 

Of the " brave and free," 
( Poised in the branches 

Of a blasted tree,) 
Bent, with a strain, 

The " hinges of the knee !" 
Clasp'd both his hands, 

And, rolling up his eyes, 
Sped forth, this message, 

To the frowning skies : 

Ye ! Great Ruler of the Earth, and Air ! 
Please hear, — " for once" — a Politicians prayer ! 
If you've concluded, now, this world to drown, — 
And, (for this purpose,) send these great floods 
down, — 



40 THE RAJAH. 



0! hear my prayer! {Good Lord, you know its 

"hearty /") 
And .v^/r/ 0, save!! ////.s- u god-forsaken party!" 1A 



Then, "twisting" 'round his head, he waved 

His hand. 
And sternly uttered this sublime 

Command : 

"Ho, men! Ho, henchmen. 

Henchmen, ho! 
In trees, above, — 

Or in floods, below! 
When thus the el- 

Ements are vext, 
No man can tell, 

What cometh next! 
You know, — perhaps, 

How the Old World far'd, 
And how Mister Noah, 

Was found, prepard. 
Go ! Haste ye, then ! 

(Although it's quite dark,) 
Go forth ! brave men, 

And build an Ark ! ! 
Not quite so big, 

Perhaps, as that 
Which ran aground 

On Ar a-rat. 



THE RAJAH. 41 



But yet, sufficient, 

To a shaving, 
To save of this camp, 

What's worth the saving ! 



Say, your "leader," the guests," 

And some "stock," of "good breed," 
The brave builders, themselves, — 

(With an abundance of feed!) — 
A few handsome squaws, too, 

In this perilous need, 
(In the absence of " white ones,") 

Must be " sav-ed," — for seed ! 
For though "blondes" were much better, — 

(If they were " about" — ) 
'T'were shame! for "slight" scruple, 

That " our race," should " run out ! " 



Which spouting was re-ceiv-ed, 
With many a u 'manly" shout! 

Though, by some, it was be-liev-ed, 
To be a water-" spout? 8 



But now, in the East, came a streak of light, 
The departure foretelling of murky night. 
The winds lull'd some, and the storm grew less, 
So that man and mule, felt less distress. 



42 



THE RAJAH 




This "great picture," by Dough-raw. is "Emblematical. 1 '' — 
The gentleman who is in the act of climbing the tree, as also the 
one who is half submerged in the flood, are both Presidential 
aspirants. 

The other two, 

Who hang by fish-lines to the trees, 

And swing with every fitful breeze, 

are members of the present Congress, known as "Vibrationists.'' 1 

The one is a Tariff man. and the other a Free Trader. See Note 6. 



THE RAJAH. 43 



Then Cudjo, the darkey, with infinite glee, 
Clamber'd up to the top of a Sycamore tree, 
Let go, from his finger, a beautiful dove, 
Which soar'd away, and around, and above, — 
(Made fast, by a string, to that darkey's ear, 
That she might notbe lost in those "fields of air,"-) 
But the string, it broke, e'er that pigeon lit, — 
And, it's more than likely, she's flying, yet ! 

For an olive branch, seeking, — 

Or, perhaps, for a root, 
To apply to the sole 

Of her pigeon foot ! 9 



But, now, (a very important matter!) 

The clouds, in the sky, began to scatter I 

The rain subsided ! The world was savdll 

And still — from a fish-pole — the camp-flag wavdl 




U THE RAJAH. 



A GREAT PISCATORIAL FEAT. 



PART X. Relates how camp "Arthur" is suddenly aroused 
by the "Fifty Mile Rider, who aav'd the day." How the great 
Jubilator tries his luck and his patience. How he kills a brace of 
''wormy" trout, without using "pink and senna." And how Gen- 
eral Stager, on a lonely midnight, captured an "Alleghanthecuss." 
or some other kind of aqueous "cuss" of a very diabolical type. 



The camp, 

Was damp ! 
The clothes, 

To dry, 
Were hung 

On poles 
And bush- 

Es high; 

"And when the morn 

Her beacon red, 
Had kindled on " 

a Big Windy's " head, 

Within each tent, each stoker strove, 

To kindle a flame in his water-logg'd stove. 



THE RAJAH. 



For the watchfires all, 
Were " faded daisies," 

And as blue as the " guests," 
Were their blue-light blazes. 



But now, once more, the camp's astir ; 
The hearths all glow with brands of fir ; 
The cooks their dish-pans clash, and shout: 
"Ho ! noble Chester! bring along your trout!" 



And now, these words of Sher-i-dan, 
Ring out 'midst clash of pot and pan: 

"Charge, Chester! Charge! on! Stager! on! xo 
Nor stop to taste the dem-i-john! 

Your camp, e'en now, 

With fish-rods bristles, 
Like prickly barbs 

On blades of thistles ! 
Yon rising sun, 

The river kisses ! 
Rise then! great chief! 

And "bob" ton fishes ! " 

With this, the Gen'ral waved his truncheon, 
And "marched" straight back to his cards and 

" luncheon." 
Meanwhile, as wild goat mounts the cliffs 



46 THE RAJAH. 



When first" the air of morn he sniffs, 
So springs great Chester for his trousers, 
Nor stops to quaff' his morning " rousers" 
But sallying forth, (as in a dream,) 
He sought Ben Venter's silent stream. 



He fished; — the breakfast hour was past, 
Five hundred times his "fly " he cast 

On Venter's bosom — yet, no bite, 
Did all this vigilance requite. XI 

The "couriers l2 brought the lunch I3 at noon, 

So fished he on 'till the lonely loon, 
Had " serenaded" the midnight moon ; 

When, all at once the pole was shaken! 
Great Jove ! 'twas plain, the bait was taken ! 

When, with a jerk, and lusty shout ! 
The Pres'dent, with his line pulled out, 

Pull'd out ! two pounds of " worm// " trout ! Ji 



Just at this stage, 

Came Stager, 
Armed with a fish- 

Erman's spear! 
He said — " I fish 

For eels, my lord, 
And think I may 

Find them here." 




The venomous-looking object which the "fisherman" holds 
out, by "main strength," on the point of his spear, is the mon- 
ster which the Gener-aul "spear-ed," and which was pronounced 
by the Surgeon to be an " Alleghanthecws. " 

The "twin-fishes" are the "wormy trout." 

See Note 15. 



THE RAJAH. 41 



He cast his eyes 

On the Venter, 
On the Venter's 

Tranquil wave. 
And then, Great Jove ! 

It were fearful ! 
To see the great 

Thrust he gave L 

The spear transfixed a monster 

Em Wasser stangie Jang ! 
And brought the great snake to anchor, I4 

Those " wormy " trouts among. 

And such a monster sar-pi-ent, — 
Some thirteen feet, or more, — 

Was never by a Gen-er aid, 
So deftly killed before, 

Beneath the moon — the midnight moon, 
On Venter's peaceful shore ! 




48 THE RAJAH 



THE GREAT BANQUET. 



PART XL Relates how the Jubilator gives a mighty Ban- 
quet, in Camp, at which the article of fish being very scarce 
among the great fishermen, eloquence, (being plenty,) was substi- 
tuted therefor. And how, the "dubious 11 condition of what few 
fish there were, was artfully apologized for, in a great speech by a 
wonderful Or-a-tor. Also, herein of the stirring effects of the 
eloquence upon the surrounding hill. 



Another lustrous morn, 
Hath tipp'd with silver all the mountains' caps, 
And at the blast of horn, 

One thousand campers stand upon their taps. 

A sound as of a bugle, 

On the breeze is borne. • 
And is't a bugle ? 

No. 'Tis Buckskin's horn. 
Great Joseph Buckskin, — 

Better known as Joe, 
With cheeks distended, 

Doth his fish-horn, blow. 



THE RAJAH 



49 



Proclaiming, far and wide 



To man and boast, 
The joyful tidings 

That a savory feast 
Of fish, and flesh, and fowl, 

And Indian swine, 
Of beer and bear's meat, 

Trout and "many a wine," 
Would forth be brought, — 

Just at the hour of three — 
To crown the "splendors" 

Of the " Jamboree ; " 
To fill the stomach, 

And beguile the soul ; 
A feast of " reason," 

And a flow of " bowl." 

And now — 

From Buckskin's horn, a mightier blast, 

Proclaims the festive hour, at last ; 

Then comes a rush ! the scampering of feet 

Precedes the " bottoming " of each vacant seat 

By hungry guests, who lift aloft their dishes. 

And croak, like cormorants, to be fed. on fis lies ! 



0, vain delusion ! 

Chester heaves a sigh ! 
And 'round the tables 

Casts an " anxious " eye. 



THE RAJAH, 



Whereat, great Stager rushes to the " breach," 
Aud opes the banquet with a mighty " speech." 
— Just as, of yore, one fresh from //«>^-pasture, 
With tint ely eloquence sav'd his quaking master. 16 
Standing erect, he waves a fishing-spear, 
And thunders out," Ho friends ! Good cheer ! Good 

cheer! 
That's what we've come for, — Let us find it here ! 
And as we taste these flagons, and this food, 
Praise we, the while, " the Arthur of all good ! '" 

Behold you here, dear friends, 

Not fish a plenty , 
But many another thing 

That's just as dainty. 
For instance, — chipmonk broth, 

And Indian bacon ; 
(The mountain mutton, 

Hath, not yet, been taken !) 
Haunches of ven'son, 

Hedgehog hams, a few, 

Dried steaks of stag's meat, 
And a sage-hen steAv; 

An " Indian pudding," 
Made by Indian Jack; 

And brought from Big Horn, 
On a burro's back ; 

Six fat jack-rabbits 
Roasted on a wire, I7 



THE RAJAH. 51 



Within the flickerings 
Of a Geyser fire ; 

Mock-soup of catfish, 
Flavor'd with eels gizzards, 

Seven Arraphoe dogs, 
And sixteen turkey — buzzards ; 

With jams, and jellies, 
Pickles, and cann'd fruits — 

Enough to fill 
Your stomachs, and your boots! 

But ah ! Alas ! how sad ! 

With all these princely dishes, 
We've only seven "small" loaves! 

And hvo " small "fishes! 
Much like another feast, 

In this, — you all can see, — 
That good, old, "rousing time," they had, 

In good, old Gali-lee! 
And though we hav'nt the pow'r, 

To double u ) the " oats," 
We've got 10,000 bottles of 

To wash 'em down your throats! 
And if these two " small fishes," 

Be "speckled" through aiid through ! 
Remember this, that Chet, our lord, 

Hath done his best, for you ! 
And if, for this infliction, Sirs, 

Your noble anger burns ! 



THE RAJAH 



Remember Martin Luther, pray, 

And his " Diet, " (too), of " Worm* /" 

Then censed that noble Or-a-for, 

— A man of vast renown ! — 
And many a mighty shout, went u 

When Stager, settled doivn ! t8 

And when those thund'rous shout -i-ings. 

Were blended into one, 
The Tetons bent their cloud-crown' d heads. 

And nodded^ to the sun ! 
The Big Horn Mountains doffd their caps, 

And stood, with glisfning pates, 
While all the feasters drank his health ! 

And finish' d up their plates ! 



For, in truth, such " mighty " feasting, 

Was never known, before, 
Where Venter and the Yellowstone, 

Their peaceful waters, pour ! 

* B 9 J of * J^J^^ 






©err)!© ^plpee. 



THE RAJAH. 53 



CANTO FOUR 



THE GREAT WAR DANCE. 



PART XII. Relates how, (the mighty Banquet being over,) 
the great ''Jubilator" inaugurated a "War Dance.'" The dresses, 
voices, figures, manners, customs and "activities" of some of the 
*' war-dancers," described; as well as some of the startling effects 
of their loud, vehement, and altogether reckless shoutings. 



Again 'tis morn, and Big Horn's peaks of snow, 
Gleam like pale stars on all the world below ; 
While Teton's summits grand, sublimely rise, 
And pierce the azure of serener skies. 
The sun's bright glow, from mount to valley spreads ; 
The wild flowers smile, and nod their gentle heads. 
Cast forth their fragrance on the mountain air, — 
But seem quite palsied at the fish-horn's blare, 
Which far resounds, upon this morning damp, 
To rouse the sleepers ol " prince Arthur's " camp ! 



54 THE RAJAH, 



" Bring forth the braves ! " 

Said Chester — " Bring them forth ! 
I would behold! 

Their savagery and mirth! 
Place no restraint upon the red man, now, 
But give him leave to have one grand Pow-Wow 



Build him a fire ! 

Or let him build his own ; 
A "council fire", — 

As bright as ever shone, 
Here in this valley 

Of the Venter grand ; 
Great Nin-com-poo-suck's 

Very native land!" 



— ' Twas done ! — 

Big Joe obeyed this mandate, 

With despatch, 
And set the brands to burning, 

With a "match" 



The flames blazed high, 
The red-men gathered. 



THE RAJAH, 



.>:> 



And round about, 

Their ponies tether'd. 
Great Nin-com-poo-suck 

Led the host, 
And then came "Se-kunk," 

" Painted ghost," 
Big " Skick-a-loon," 

With head of bull 
And face like moon, — 

When moon is full, 
Tower' d o'er the rest 

Like loftiest Alp, 
And swung on pole 

A ghastly scalp. 
While " Ton-an-ga-bo " 

Stalked along, 
Chanting a wild 

, Sho-sho-nee song ; 
Great " Gig-a-rink-tam " 

Gave a yell 
Which deaf fiends might 

Have heard in hell. 
Then Arrap'hoe Bill, 

All wildly flung 
His horrid form 

Those braves among ; 
His face with paint 

Was deeply dyed, 
A demijohn adorned his side. 



56 THE RAJAH. 



And from behind, 
A demon's tail 

Hung pendant, in 
A snaky trail. 

And now from crag 
And mountain height 

A thousand warriors 
Armed for f/ight, 

Sprang forth at sound 
Of Indian drum, 

And zw-whoop'd loud 
For rum ! more rum ! 



The rum is brought, in flagons mighty, 
And chiefs and braves get "high-ty tight-// I 



And now the flames 

Of the " whisky-fire" 
Warrn'd all their veins, 

And mounted higher. 
When Sho-shone Dick, 

Like boozy owl, 
Leap'd right and left . 

With hideous howl. 
Sprang round behind 

Great Chester's chair. 
Pluck Yl from his wig 

A wisp of hair ! 



THE RAJAH 



57 



And sticking it fast 

To the point of his lance. 
With the yells of a demon, 

Led the dance! 



And such a dance ! 

Ye gods ! and men ! 
Ne'er was, before, 

In fell or fen ! 
On mountain, 

Or in lonely glen I . 
So fiendish loud, the whoops and yells, 
That rocks were rended ! and the hills, 
Were seen to hop and skip about! 
At Ton-on-ga-boo's mightiest shout, 
Which shook " Great Venter" 

To its center! 
Blighted— Alas ! 

Pouts, perch and bass! 
And kilVdoutrightt (confound the blataM lout!) 
Five Hundred Thousand Presidential trout ! 
Which fish, by bigger fish, 

Were follow 1 d, — 
And being "wormy" fish, — 
Were swallow d I 

u Thus spoiling all ! (so saith the suppress d report,)' 
"At one foul "tow"— this princeliest of "sport," 



58 



THE RAJAH 



Not for a day, nor while the dog-star rages. 
But whilst shall go, a'rattling down the ages, 
The name and fame of that immortal "he," 
Whose generous soul " brought forth " —this 
(" Jumbo ") — J&mbo-ree / 




THE RAJAH. 



59 




The " smudge" in the center, is the il Council Fire. 1 ' 

The " feather-ed out" figures are some of the " War-Dancers" 

whose " reckless shoutings" killed the fish. 



60 THR BAJAH, 



THE " BIC-TALK, "— Foreshadowed. 



Part XIII. Shows how the great " Jubilator, ,, notwithstand- 
ing the disastrous result of the "War-Dance," is resolved upon 
having a Big-Talk with his Aboriginal children. How, to this 
end, he commands the rebuilding of the "Council Fire" and the 
gathering together of the Tribes. How he institutes some new 
regulations in Camp, and makes extensive preparations for an- 
other grand Or-a-tor-i-cal "Blow-Out!" 



The ' Dance" had ceas'd ; 
Each fierce, wild song, 
Had sigh'd, and died, 



The cliffs along. 



In the rear of the camp, 
The shy moon was sinking 

And the dude-ish young stars 
At her form, were blinking. 



The camp was still ; 

Save, now and then. 
A random shot, 

From Hayes's men 



THE RAJAH. 61 



Was fired ; or Sambo 

Made a shout, 
To keep the bears 

And panthers out! 
Betimes, the sound 

Of breaking glass, 
Rang sharply up 

The mountain pass ; 
Or tuneful mule, 

His "pipes" did play, 
Or jackass sing 

His " roundelay ! " l9 



The great White Chief, — 
— Within his tent, — 
On beating Stager, 

Was intently bent ! 
And not until 

The sixteenth bout, 
With that great "po- 

Ker "-player, stout, 
Did he discov- 

Er, by a shout ! 
That " Buckskin Joe, " 

(That drunken lout!) 
Had let the " Coun- 

Cil-Fire, " go out ! 



62 THE RAJAH 



Then up ho rose ! — with flashing eye ! 

Then, ga-ted he, upon the sky ! 
Then, turn'd his low'ring looks, to land ! 

Then rais'd aloft, his great right hand ! — 
Then, flung his back against an oak, — 

And shouting, Ho ! Ho ! bravely spoke : 

u Rebuild! I say ! 

Rebuild that " council- fire !" 
Cast on those " fah-gots /" 

Let the flames mount higher ! 

Nor gods, nor men, my purpose, vast, shall balk ! 
We've had the " War- Dance," — now, well have 

the " Talk ! " 
A rousing " Big Talk," friendliest and best, 
That e'er was heard by red-men of the West ! 

So, let the braves come forth, and take their sta- 
tions : 
The largest, first, and then, the lesser " nations." 

And, hear ye, henchmen, 'tis my stern request ! 
That " eucher" cease, and " poker " "have a rest;" 
That " five-cent-ante," (for a time,) be barr'd ! — 
That this great " Big-Talk" be in nothing marr'd ! 
Go ! give ye to the "reds," that reddest wine, — 
(Great source of " el'quence " in the 'Logan line !) 2J 
And let these sons of Natur', — wand'ring midst 

these hills, 
Where Natur' s nectar from the skies distills, — 



THE RAJAH. 63 



Tell all their squaws, and every new pappoose : 
Haw-ton-ti~$aw-ye ! wah-che, — sta-goos ! 2 
Of that great day, when you, my friends, and me, 
Held in these wilds, this mighty Jub-i-lee ! 



These words, the "boozy" henchmen heard! 
And hearing ; evrg limb bestirrd ! 
Seiz'd on the fish-horn; blew with might and main ; 
Startling the wigwams over hill and plain — 
Calling together chiefs and braves — once more, — 
Who, stealth'ly stepping to the '''Free' Tent's 22 

door, 
Make their " libations," (as oft times, before), 
And moving 'round, in stately rings, proceed, 
To take their seats — and smoke the "Indian 

weed ;" 

Gazing meanwhile, 

Upon the manly face, 
Of the great White Chieftain 

Of the " land-grab " race ; 

Who, striking an attitude sublimely grand, - 
Stretch'd forth, once more, his "white" and "hand- 
some " hand ; 

Fix'd his "fine" eyes, 
On Ting-a-ring-tum's crest, 

And launch 'd a speech ! 
As great ! — as Cicero's " best ! " 



fii THE RAJAH. 



THE . BIC-TALK.' 



Part XIV. Gives the substauce of the Great Speech of the 
great Father to the Aboriginal red men of the Western wilderness ; 
together with some of the pertinent replies of the chiefs and squaws, 
(as they "might have been" 1 ' reported, by the "immortal Mike.") 
Herein, also, of a dangerous situation and a very perilous rescue. 



u Ho ! noble red men ! Ho ! 

Observe thou me ! 
Here 'neath the foliage 

Of this red-wood tree ! 
— And then — 

Please think of Penn ! 
Of peaceful William Penn! 

I'm your " Great Father! 

Ye have naught to fear ! 
I'll be your Father, yet, 

For moren a year ! 
Some eighteen months, 

I will your pa-ri-ent be ! 
So, noble red-men, — 

" Please " confide in me ! 



THE RAJAH. 65 



Stolen were your lands — 

(Sp I've been told,) 
Or, " to draw it milder, " 

They've been " badly sold" 

All so ! ! 

Also, your elk, and buffalo, 
Are nearly gone, or are bound to go-, 
Because, on plains and mountain sides, 
i¥#-rauders shoot them, for their hides; — 
All this, / know ! 

But pray, good red men, do not much, complain ; 
For see ! your glorious " mountains," still remain! 
They will not leave you ! 

If you leave not them ! 
— So, — stick to the mount, 

I say ! — And mountain glen ! 
And when I speak, 

Of this great " mountain boon" 
Think not I mean 

The mountains — of the moon 1 1 
I'll be your Father ! 

Be ye not alarm' d 
Of "guns" and "grog," 

You shall not be " disarm d ! '' 
I'll be your Father ! 

All your wrongs to right; 
I'll be your " sun " by day •! 

Your " moon" by night ! 



66 THE RAJAH. 



And, to commence, right here, 
With Hayes's troopers — 
By Jove ! I'll set " them," now, 
"Ferninst" their croupers I 
They've follow'd long, I know, 

On Indian's trails ! 
'Tis time their faces, faced, 
Their horses' tails ! 
I am your Father ! 

Your great Father, I — 
(And here he on a papjwose 
Charted to fix, his eye ! ) 
At which great u Che-muck " 

CJ 

Like a wild-cat springs, 
And with a whoop 

At which the mountain rings 
Fierce, angry, lightnings 

Flashing from his eyes, — 
Swings high his war-club, 
* And in wrath, replies : 

What ! You'se hints fader ? 

Na ! Na ! Poo ! Poo ! 
Hims fader, Sire ! am great 

Ning-ang-ga-boo ! 
Who snatch much battle-scalp ! 

More scalp, dan you! 

Not much um Fader ! 
One poor yar, and half ! 



THE RAJAH. & 



If youse mn "Big Buck," 
You se urn here, " no Calf !" 

Then sprang forth Nim-kee, — 

Indian maiden, fair, — ■ 
With starry eyes, 

Midst night of raven hair, 
Plaintive her voice, — 

Which caused all hearts to quake, 
— And these the words, 

Which gentle Nim-kee spake : 

Pe-ke-ken-ega, ee-in-ist-agee, 
Me-nin-ge-nega, nago-nist-a-nee /" 

Then, Che-muck's squaw arose, 

— As tempests rise, 
And fill with threat'nings all 
The angry skies, — 
Sail'd fiercely forth, like thunder-cloud on high, 
And at the White Chiefs head, this bolt let fly : 

"Much come, " Great Fader s T 

Every little while ! 
Too much, um Faders ; 

Dat's not good for " chile /" 

At which " remark" 

A wilder thrill of hate, 

Shot through the apex 
Of old Che-muck's pate ; 



68 THE RAJAH. 



He writh'd with rage ! 

One fearful war-whoop gave ! 
And furious at 

The great white Father "drave !" 
Swung high in air 

His war-club, dire and dread, 
And would have whactfd 

Great Chester on the head ! 
Had not the Judge, there, 

With "judicial " arm. 
Drawn his " hoss-pistol" 2l 

On that savage man ! 
And sav-ed, thus, 

That Ruler, good and great. 
From undergoing 

That are barbarous fate, 
Of being "slic'd up," 

Forbear, or pickerel bait! 



'Vantage thus gain'd ; — forth rushed the " Im- 
mortal Three!" 

Seized on their chief, beneath that ' red-wood " 
tree ! 

And bearing him aloft, their way they wended, 25 

To'ard the " Free-Tent;'— and thus, the "Big 
Talk: ended ! 



THE BAJAH. 



6!) 




The war-like savage who has " hopp-ed up " into the air, to the 
right of the " council-smudge " is the furious chief , Che-muck. 

The tree, is the " red-wood." To the left of it, (just passing 
out of the picure,) is a reversed ■ ' Hazy galooter," in fatigue uni- 
form. The figures to the extreme right are Indians. The crooked 
thing, in the right hand corner, above, is the " midnight moan." 

The little squirming object, held up by the squaw, is the pap- 
poose. And the rest of the ' ' engraving, " " speaks for itself. 




70 THE RAJAH. 



THE SECOND" MASSACRE OF WYOMING. 



Part XV. Relates how the pleasant dreams of the ' ' Jubilator ' ' 
were disturbed, at midnight, by the sudden onslaught of a band of 
savages, in the shape of a crowd of drunken mule-drivers and 
moimtain-tramps, who make a riotous raid upon the " liquid re- 
freshments.' ' How the great Jubilator saw. {in his mind), the 
horrid forms of " gore- snuffers,'' rushing around in the darkness ; 
and how, he himself, and his Guests, were rescued by a brilliant 
rivalry charge, under the great and gallant "Day-Saver" of the 
American army. Further herein, of the dreadful massacre; 26 to- 
y-ether with a list of the killed and wounded. 



" 'Twas midnight. In his guarded tent," 
Repos'd, at ease, the President ; 
In dreams, he roam'd, at day's decline, 
By trout-brooks fair, with rod and line ; 
In dreams, he threaded mountain passes, 
With troopers, Indians, mules and asses ; 
And sought afar, with gun on shoulder, 
Behind each log, and bush, and boulder, 
An elk, or "grizzly," ^ or some such trifle, 
To "riddle" with his "Winch'ster rifle. 
Or else, (in dreams), with Vest, the smoker, 



THE RAJAH. 11 



28 



(Vulcan's great son, the mule-provoker,) 

And Stager, too, that fearful joker, 

He sought the noble game, of " po-ker,'' — 

The only game, (at five cent ante,) 

Which the " hunters " found in the mountains plen- 

ty;- 

Or, sitting 'round the camp-fire, bright, 

Beguifd the murky hours of night, 

With many a wild and border story 

Of genuine "Nimrodian" glory, 

As well as of fishermen's mighty "takes," 

From sturgeons down, to "Stager snakes!" 

Or told, perchance, himself, the tale, 

How Jonah swallow'd the "ancient" whale ; 

Or how, (as he thought,) those devil-reevd swine, 

Ran into a sea of claret wine, 

And were therein "pickled" in ancient time ! ~ 9 



All peaceful dreams. But hark ! 

That shout! 
It seem'd as if all hell — 

Were out! 
For, just at that instant, 

As fierce a yell, 
As ever, on desolate 

Midnight fell, 
Burst forth from a barricade 

Made of wagons, 



72 THE RAJAH. 



And heaps upon heaps, 

Of empty flagons, — 
Came out from the camp 

Of the muleteers, — 
Awaken'd the sleeper, 

And split his ears ! 
With a din unearthly! 

He rush'd outside, 
And open'd his visual 

Organs, wide! 
His hair "stuck up!" 

And his heart was full ! 
For he saw, (in his mind,) 

Old " Sitting Bull," 
With a thousand red imps, 
Or, perhaps, somewhat more, 

All raging like demons, 
And snuffing for " gore ! " 

The air of the midnight, 
With curses was blue! 

With a strong scent of whisky ; 
Which scent, was not neiv. 

There were brayings and shoutings. 
And beatings of drum ; 

Some were crying for "quarter" 
More, shouted for Rum ! 

As they beat, on casks empty, 
A nw;&-a-tuni-tum ! 



THE R A J MI. 73 

The soldiers were fifing. 
And at flash of the powder, 

The //ells of the miscreants 
Grew louder and louder! 

The forms of red ponies, 

On the air, seem'd to ride, 
With young "Sitting Butt"-ooters, 

All "sitting" astride ! 

While "around and about" them, 

Among bushes and trees, 
Skulk' d , prowling and howling, 

The Ab-o-rig-nees ! 

To the right, "frown'd a batt'iy," 

Portentous, and large! 
To the left, " wheel' d a squadron," 

Just ready to charge I 

From the first, "burst a storm'" 
Of "gin-bottles" and "flagons-," 

While the second, " charged down" 
On the r^w-freighted wagons ! 

Then, "joining their forces," 

(A mancever quite risk//,) 
All "made," like mad devils, 

For the "Government Whisky!" 3> 



74 THE- RAJAH. 



And now, from the " quarters " 
Of the " males in the wood" 
Came a loud, dismal roar, 
Like the voice of a flood ; 
A rush, like the tempest's, 
When it lashes the main ; — 
A roar, like the cyclone's, 
When it raves o'er the plain ! 
Whereat, the great Chester, 
To his terrors gave vent : — 

" Ho ! This torrent of carnage ! 
It doth surge to'ard my tent ! " 

Then quick, to'ard the darkness, 

His footsteps he bent, 
While his friends' follow'd after, — 

JfCgr* 3 To "see" where he went ! ! 

But, Just then, the " Day Saver," 
With Cap. Hayes's " ga-loots," 

Charged down on those " foemen," 
With pistols, and " hoots ! ' : 

In his right hand a broadsword,- — 

As big, — " to a jot," — 
As that " bouncing " great claymore 

Of Wallace, the Scot. 3I 



THE RAJAH. 75 



>j 



And the sheen of his blade, 

As. on mule-back, he sped, 
FillM full all those " foemen,' 

With terror and dread ! 
As, following their leader, 

(While he 'rose in his boots !) 
Dashed down, like a tempest, 

Those '* Hayzy ga-loots !" 



When — being supported 

By the " re-ser-ved r force," 
To wit : Horace Roubles, 

With his brave Norman "horse" 3 * 
Those Whisky invaders, 

Led by " Arrap'hoe Bill," 
With whisky a'plent}^ 

Had of fighting their fill ! 
And, routed, and scouted, 

By river and rill ; 
Fled ! scattered, and battered, 

Over Nin-kum-poo hill ! 33 



The "slaughter," was "dreadful" — 
(This fact should not pass,) 

The great Arrap'hoe chieftain, 
Had himself slain an Ass ! 

With an axe, he had brained him ! ! 
Alas ! 0, Alas ! ! 



76 



THE RAJAH 




The gallant charge of "those 1 ' Hayzy g a -loots. 

• ' In his right hand a broadsword, 
As "big" to a jot! 
As that bouncing great claymore, 
Of Wallace, the Scot ! 



THE RAJAH. '<7 

And if, — after the massacre, — 

" 0, Los 34 dad had look'd round, 
Sqatter'd, "helter and skelter," 

He there would have found, 
Of mules, six-and-twenty, 

In death's " slumber," profound! 
Lying endways, and all ways ! 

Oh that gore-fatten d ground ! 

Right savage the conflict ! 

Yet no wound was there seen, 
On the corpus of white man, 

Save in Sheridan's canteen ! 
Which was " bad," — and kept " bleeding" 

For many a day ! 
And 'tis fear'd ! is still " bleeding ! " 

In that VERY SAME WAY ! ! 



So when, at our banquets, 

The spirit is high, 
And friendship's bright gleam, 

Flashes forth from the eye ; 
Let us all, then remember, 

As remember we may, 
tl was " Sheridan's good riding, " 

That savd, "too," this day !— 
While the "guests" aud the "great one," 

(As the Nin-kum-poos say,) 
Were dragging homeward their "fishpoles,' 

" Fifty Miles Away ! " 



78 THE RAJAH 



CONCLUSION. 



No more the birchen wigwam 

Is seen on Windy 's side, 
No more is seen, the tent of skin. 

Where Venter's waters glide. 
For now, by stream and mountain, 

In defile and in pass, 
The red-men build their houses, 

Of " broken bottle" glass! 
And squaws, on plains and mountains, 

In all the coming years, 
May wear a brace of bottles, 

Suspended to their ears ; 
And painted braves and war-chiefs. 

Will remember "Eighty-Three," 
And tell their children's children, 

Of this vast " Jamboree." 



For in truth, such mighty "sporting" 
Was never known before, 

Where Venter and the Yellowstone, 
Their peaceful waters pour ; 



THE RAJAH. 79 



And sooth, such lofty " revelry," 
No man hath ever seen. 

Beneath the circlings of the sun,- 
Since Dido, was a Queen. 



^W^v^^* ^U Roup. 



80 



THE RAJAH. 




THE RAJAH. si 



NOTES EXPLANATORY OF THE TEXT. 



Note 1. It is proper for the Author to observe, here, that he 
is satisfied, (on reflection.) that the preface to this little book is 
defective, in this, that it presents no invulnerable shield against 
■criticism. To remedy this serious omission is the object of this 
note. To such, then, of the ''wry-necked fraternity' 1 as maybe 
disposed to assert that the p&etry of "The Rajah/' (to say nothing 
of the sentiment.) is not of as lofty a strain as that of John Milton, 
the Author respectfully replies, that he has never claimed that he 
was in any way related to Mr. John Milton, or to any of the Milton 
family; and this he intended to hare stated, in the outset. 

Note 2. It is well known that the Excursionists "went to"' 
the Mountains for "Fun." So let it, also, be well known, that it 
was for the self-same object — Fun, — that the Author "went for" 
the Excursionists. 

Note 3. The word "baggage,' 1 in this case, means "drinks' 1 
and commissary stores. 

Note 4. Let it not be presumed, from the great and sudden 
flight of the "Rajah" Muse across the Continent, that no stop was 
made by the Excursionists, until they reached the Mountains. Alas. 
not so. One stop was made, which came very nearly being a final 
one. While passing through the "Convention City" the train of 
the Jubilator was suddenly "brought to," and boarded, by about 
.200 fierce pirates, (pie-rats), mostly from the Custom-house and 
Post Office, headed by the "hostile" Democratic Mayor. The 
'miscreants" were all armed with "pocket pistols/' which they 



82 THE RAJAH 



discharged directly into the mouths of the Excursionists; doing 
immense execution; as it was found, after the struggle was over, 
that every member of the party was "shot in the neck,'* badly. 
The wounded "Excursioners" were at once removed on litters, 
(not shutters,) to the Grand Pacific, where under the assiduous care 
of the citizens they rapidly recovered, and soon, (with their usual 
amount of good spirits,) they were again on their way to the moun- 
tains. But the pleasant remembrance of this great stoppage is 
still fresh in the recollection of the "participants,' ' And even 
now, of a murky midnight, the belated traveler through the stre< ts 
of "the greatest hostelry of the world, 1 ' will find his ears occasion- 
ally assailed with a refrain like this : 

"Der gute Chester, lange mogen er leben, 
Wie das bier-flasche immer lieben zu haben ! 

Or this, in sweeter accents : 

"Och, Carther! swate Carther! troth its ye can invaygle, 
E'n the "hid" of the Nation, wid the "sprid of yer aygle!" 

Note 5. This passage refers to one of the incidents of the 
Excursion, Judge Rollins, who. by the wax 

Is not only a talkist 
But a very good walkist. 
Made a wager, 
With Stager, 

that he could walk from the foot of Mount "Big Hump" to the 
free tent, in the center of the camp, in 94% minutes. The trial 
was made, and with the aid, of a stout pair of crutches, a large se- 
dan-chair, two big negroes, a pair of Wellington boots and three 
Indian dogs, he is said to have accomplished the feat, (with very 
sore feet:) saving his distance by just one minute and a half, by a 
"watch." which was well "watched." 

Npte 6. This sentiment was partly borrowed from Trum- 
bull, (not Lyman,) but the author of u Mc Fingal,'' 1 and was sug- 
gested by his description of the old British "blunderbuss," (a sort 
of war weapon used by the enemy in the days of the revolution,) 
of which it was said, that, 

"Whether aim'd at duck or plover, 
Fired wide, and kicked its owner over," 



THE RAJAH. S3 



Note 63^. Considering the "fate" of this "skw-my," the 
"General Order" which was issued by the Military Chief of the 
party that there should be "no wanton waste of game by the Ex- 
cursionists," was, to say the least of it, a very considerate and 
humane regulation. Very! 

Note 7. While it is not denied that some of Dumas' descrip- 
tions of human wretchedness are very powerful, and indeed, al- 
most "heart-rending;" yet, what think you, reader, could exceed 
the agony of such of the Excursionists as were suspended by "fish- 
hooks and lines," from the branches of high trees, in the manner 
shown in the sketch, by Dough-raw? Reference is here made more 
particularly, to the politicians of the party, who are seen suspend- 
ed with hooks in the slack of their "trowsers," and who thus 
swung there in the "fitful breezes," for 9 mortal hours, without 
"drink" or meat, tortured all that time, by the remembrance of 
their political sins. No Sirs, the "Black Hole" of Calcutta, was 
not a circumstance to it. 

Note 1%. Save! Save ! this God-forsaken party. This 
fervent supplication, as it stands in the text, might seem to be the 
very climax of a politician's prayer for the safety, and possibly for 
the * access, too, of his party; but in this case, the author of 
"Rajah" desires that it be understood, only, as applying to the 
Excursionists themselves, in their desperate emergency. To 
have asked anything more of the Lord, under the circumstances, 
(considering everything,) would have been, simply, an imposition. 

Note 8. The kind of "water-spout" here referred to, is not 
the phenomenon sometimes seen in the air, of a summer's day, in 
the form of a great black funnel-shaped cloud, but, on the contrary, 
is the common "water-spout," such as is usually seen affixed to 
gar i"ii hydrants and "wooden" pumps. 

Note 9. It is barely possible that some great sticklers for 
strict and actual accuracy may think this description of the "Sec- 
ond Deluge," a little overdrawn; but to anyone who was an eye- 
witness of that shocking and "soaking" catastrophe, no such ob- 
jection can possibly occur. The great rain storm referred to, ac- 
tually took place, necessitating the removal of the camp to higher 
ground; and a more forlorn, dejected and water-soaked set of 
"Excursioners" were probably never seen, since the days of Noah. 



84 THE RAJAH. 



Note 10. "Charge! Chester, Charge!"" this is one of Sir 
Walter Scott's famous battle-shouts; but as it stands in the text, 
the author prefers to have it understood as referring, mor i particu- 
larly, to the payment of some of the Mils and expenses of the "Ex- 
cursion," out of the great Jultilator's private funds. 

Aye, blow it a breeze, boys, or blow it a gale, 
Let every herring, hang by its o/ni tail. 

Note 11. In this connection, and for the especial benefit of 
all susceptible fishermen, whether they be widowers, or otherwise., 
the author thinks it his duty to reproduce, here, this fearful 
I leutsch< r warning: 

Das Wasser rauscht, das wasser schwoll, 

Ein Fischer sass da ran. 
San nach dem Angel ruhevoll. 

Kuhl bis ans Herz hinan. 
Und wie er sitzt und wie er lauscht 

Theilt sich die Fluth empor; 
Aus dem bewegten Wasser rauscht 

Ein feuchtes Weib hervor. 

Das wasser rauscht, das wasser schwoll, 

Netzt ihm den nachten Fuss; 
Sein Herz wuchs ihm. so sehnsuchtsvoll, 

Wie bei der Leibsten Gross. 
Sie sprach zu ihm, sie sang zu ihm ; 

Da war's urn ihn geschehn: 
Halb zog sie ihn, halb sank er hin, 

Und ward nicht mehr gesehn ! 

Note 12. It was observed by the conquerors of Peru, that 
under the rule of the Incas, long lines of fleet-footed couriers were 
established between the coast-lines and the capital of the empire, 
for the purpose of the speedy tramnission of intelligence. Borrow- 
ing this hint, similar lines were established, for the convenient • 
of the Rocky Mountain Excursionists, extending from the Free 
Tent to various points on the creeks and rivers. These modern 
couriers were placed about ten rods apart, and their especial busi- 
ness was to transmit, with nil possible despatch, large amounts of 
"whisky," "crackers 1 ' and "sardines," for instant consumption, 
by the fishermen. 



THE RAJAH. 85 



Note 13. This word "lunch" should have been written 
"liquid refreshments,' ' and would have been so written, but for 
the imperative requirements of poetical measure. 

Note 14. The "trout 11 of the far-western rivers, like the 
"perch' 1 of the Eastern States, have a "fashion' 1 of being "wormy, ' ' 
(that is, they have small yellow worms or grubs in their backs,) 
during- the heat of summer. This was bad for the "fishes," as 
well as for the fishermen; as, by reason of it the fish were lt ba,d" 
and the fishermen were "mad, v or perhaps, it would be more 
proper to say. considerably "riled." 

Note 15. This was the Latin name which the Surgeon, (the 
scientific man of the party,) applied to the "great snake" which 
the great k 'Gener-aul" captured and killed with so much of nerve 
and resolution. If there may have been some chance for a differ- 
ence of opinion among scientists as to whether the monster was an 
AUeghanthicws or an AWegimthecus, there could have been no ques- 
tion, at any rate, but that he was a great "cuss," a very great 
"cuss," of some sort. 

Note 16. Although Balaam's thistle-eating companion and 
"eloquent advocate," was, on the occasion referred to, in the pre- 
sence of very "high toned" company, (the princes of Moab,) yet, 
it is not likely that he would have spoken nearly so eloquently, or 
so well, if he had not felt that his master was in very great 
straights. Nothing like an "emergency," to develope talent. 

Note 17. When the Excursionists were in the vicinity of 
the National Park, it is related, that most of their game was cook- 
ed by attaching it to wires and suspending it within the Geysers. 
In thus stewing "J r «c^-rabbits" it was only nescessary to disem- 
bowel them, and after they were properly done, to remove the hair 
and skin with a "Jack-knife, or chip.'" 

Note 18. This among stump orators, is what is called 
"making the welkin ring," and the reader may form some idea of 
the wonderful effect of this speech upon individuals, as well as up- 
on Natur, by the following circumstance, to the truth of which it is 
said, 67 men are ready to make affidavit: A short time after his 
return from the mountains the "General" was approached by a 



M THE RAJAH. 



demure looking granger, who, after eyeing him curiously for a, 
few moments, inquired: "Be yeou the man that makes the welkin 
ring'? 11 "Why, what do you mean by that? my friend/ 1 asked the 
General. "0 nothin' much," was the reply, "only 1 heard, on the 
ears, that yeou was the man that made the welkin ring, and as my 
"darter 1 ' wants one o' them land o 1 rings. I jest thought I'd see 
what they come at. I would nt care about your putting quite as 
much welkin in it. as you generally do: but I'd line a pretty good 
welkin-ring though . Cheap . ' ' 

Note 19. In proof of the tunefulness of the donkey, we here 
produce the lines of a celebrated poet. The Ass, in bitterness of 
heart, saith : 

My portrait in a rage, did Nature draw. 

And gave me "only," a sired voice, — He-Han! 

Note 20. No reference is here made to " J.A.L.," "the Thun- 
derer." The famous Indian Chief, Logan, was a pathetic orator, 
whereas, the Illinois Logan is not " pathetic,"/or a cent's worth. 
The Indian Logan, in one of his passionate appeals, exclaimed : 
" Alas ! Alas ! Who is now left to mourn for Logan V" But the 
modern Or-a-tor, though often "left,." never mourned about it. 
While, as to the matter of "red-wine inspiration," everybody 
knows that "War-like Jack" has "gone back" on that ; and that 
he no longer quaffs whisky from a tea-cup, or sees two Presidents 
of the Senate, at the same time. 

Indeed, it is now believed, by some, that the great "War- 
Senator" has joined the Prohibitionists, and makes rousing tem- 
perance speeches, to his constituents ; always concluding them 
with the following eloquent " out-burst !" 

" Mark you ! my countrymen, Mark you ! I say it, boldly ; 
I say it, fearlessly ; I say it without fear of contradiction, that 
the car — the car of this Reformation, is rolling onward — and, — 
upward ! And. although it is true, quite true, that the American 
People are now paying Nine Hundred Millions a year, for ""Whis- 
ky" and only ha If that sum for bread, yet if any man has the 
hardihood to draw the conclusion, from this fact, that "Whisky" 
(and not Bread,) is the "Staff of Life — I deny the conclusion ! I 
deny it, Sirs ! I deny it, — " in-to-to !" It was the great Lin- 
coln, (I think,) who said, and said well, that "no nation can 
long exist, half slave, and half free." So I, my countrymen; 
( movedHoy a like inspiration,) proclaim to you, this day. in a 



THE RAJAH. 



87 



voice f thunder; that " no nation can long exist, half drunk and 
and half sober J I say. then, fellow citizens : I say it boldly ; I 
" v it fearlessly ■ I say it as one holing a high and responsible 
position before this great people, that in view of this «^ x " 
Lnditnre of which I speak-this item of Nine Hundred Millions 
far " drinks ! " Mark you ! for " drinks ; "-strong drinks ! and 
' ■,,„„„ of them! 1 maintain. I say, that it is the duty of your na- 
tional legislators to tax, aye. to tax to the uttermostihese ' whistle- 
wetting commodities," (without regard to their complexion ) and 
t set aside, <<Wec%,--'most sacredly," this great and accu- 
mulated tax-0* " Whisky," for the support of the ..schools and the 
churches ' schools and churches, I say '.for the benefit of schools and 
churches ' i Only by "such" wise, christian statesmanship, can we 
ever hope to raise up a nation of good, meek, pious and intelligent 
voters, who will standby -the defenders of their country, m every 
emergency of " ballot" and of M blood !" 

Then wipin g the perspiration from his "ample brow, ' ' the great 
Orator 'seats himself ; whereupon, on the instant, there usually 
arises on the rim of the audiance, a tall, thin, cadaverous-looking 
individual, with a stoop in his shoulders, a cast m his right eye 
and a very shiny "plug hat,- who, thrusting uphis lengthy right 
arm with great violence, ( with his hat at the end of it,) and b nd- 
ing backward his body, to an angle of forty-five degrees, shouts 
out in a stentorian voice, (quivering with emotion.) Three cheers 
mid a " taq'oor !" for the great Center, of the nineteen cent-xj . 
Hoo-raar! Hoo-raar!! Hoo-raar!!! 

Note 21 This, by some, is thought to be the most eloquent 
passage in this remarkable speech. But as no one but an Arapahoe 
savage is equal to the task of translating it into good English, 
the author would suggest that the "curious reader 1 set out, at 
once for the mountains, in order that he may speedily capture a 
welCpainted and strong -limbed." Khadgmee," for the purpose oi 
effecting an authentic translation of this truly "Cic-ironical sen- 
tence. This should be done wUhoM « moments delay, lest it be 
forever, too late. 

Note 22. "The Free Tent," here referred to, is not, by any 
means a common institution, even among Excursionists. It was 
located in the center of the camp, and was generously supplied 
with all kinds of "liquid refreshments./' except "water," (the lat- 



gg THE BAJAH, 



ter "element 11 being wholly confined to "fishing" purposes. These 
refreshments were to be had "without money, 11 and simply for the 
asking, at any time of the day or night, Thus proving that 
Republics are sometimes generous, if not always just. 

Note 23. This somewhat passionate outburst from the heart 
of the gentle Nim-kee, if better understood, would be better appre- 
ciated. The Jubilator, who, himself, as we have seen, rattles oft' 
Indian talk like an Aboriginee. undoubtedly well understood what 
the chaste and modest Indian maiden was saying, and this, for 
purposes of all literary criticism, ought to be sufficient, 

Note 24. It is not pretended that this was strictly a "Judi- 
cial" proceeding, but that it was a very judicious one. there can 
be no sort of question. Indeed, such "personal* ' devotion as was 
here manifested, is worthy of prompt and "conspicuous' 1 reward. 
Where? and when? did Minister Lowell, (that great 'Irish hard.') 
or Minister Sargent (that great German- American stumper,) ever 
perforin "such" service for the state? Echo, (and a very common 
kind of an echo too, ) answers where ! where ! ! where ! ! and when ! ! ! 

Note 25. When Mayor Walworth smote down that ugly ruf- 
fian, Wat Tyler, about 500 years ago, and thus rescued young 
Richard, his sovereign, he certainly did a famous and friendly act. 
But is it not apparent to thee, reader, that young Dick was 
in much less clanger from the bludgeon of Wat, (although he was 
the leader of 100,000 rioters.) than was the great 'Jubilator 1 from 
the war-club of this western savage? Let the renown, then, of 
these resolute modern "rescuers, 11 be equal to that of Walworth; 
and "every inch 11 as long! 

Note 26. Tom Campbell, the Scotch poet, was the first of 
all the bards of Scotland, to celebrate the first "Massacre of Wy- 
oming. 11 This he did so excellently well, that it is a great pity 
that he could not have survived to write up this second one. 

Note 27. It will be remembered that the "Jubilator" signi- 
aed to his Cabinet, before leaving the great American Capital, that 
it was his purpose to "bag a grizzly" now and then. His failure 
to do so, therefore, can only be attributed to one of two circum- 
stances,— either that the "grizzlys 11 had made themselves scarce, 
or that the Jubilator had lost the "bag." 



THE RAJAH. 89 



Note 28. In explanation of this passage it should here be 
stated that during- the forced inarch to the mountains the Senator 
undertook to shoe the hind foot of a refractory mule, under the 
assumption that he, too, (although a Senator,) was a "son of Vul- 
can." The result, though quite natural, was, in one sense, a sur- 
prise to the operator, but vindicated, "just the same, 1 ' the sound- 
ness of Sancho Panza's philosophy, as shadowed forth in the 
adage, — "If you are kicked by a mule, it is of but very little use 
to hick back/'' 

Note 29. Pliny the younger, ( if the author's memory 
serves him aright,) gives somewhat elaborate descriptions of the 
domestic habits and customs of the ancient Romans, but it is not 
believed that he makes any mention of their usual manner of 
"pickling" their pork. That the hog-reeves of that ancient people 
had "any notion" of driving their swine into "any kind of an 
ocean," for that purpose, is a statement that must rest, solely, 
upon the high authority referred to in the text. Of course, to the 
minds of politicians, (of one "stripe,'''') this authority will be con- 
clusive; but to people of other and very different "stripes," it may 
not be. 

Note 30. The "Whisky Rebellion," which is here described, 
did actually occur in the camp of the Excursionists, and the mas- 
sacre (of a certain number of mules) is no myth. Indeed, the mid- 
night onslaught of the muleteers has already become a prominent 
point in American history; as well as a source of great profit to the 
mountain guides. But more than this! Aye, infinitely more! It is 
even now intimated that a noble shaft is soon to be erected, with- 
in the borders of the deserted camp, to mark the place of this 
massacre. The column to be 320 feet, from base to apex; to be 
"sculped" by famous Italian artists, out of Carrara marble; to rest 
on an immense block of Scotch granite, and to bear this appro- 
priate but mournful inscription. 

Hoc magno artis opere, filiarum 
Asini memoriam consecramus! 

The entire expense of this noble cenotaph is to be borne, equally, 
by Messrs. Arthur, Blaine, Edmunds, Tilden, Gen. Sherman, 
GAR Logan and Benj. Fairplay Butler. For the design of 
this stately monument, see Illustration on next page. 



90 



THE BAJAH. 










$oc magno aijtis opere, filiataim 
$smi memomam consecramus. 



I 



Here you see the great, [contemplated,) " joint-stock" Mule-leg 
Monument, with a couple of (Sporting) Politicians, taking — and — 
making "observations,'" upon its summit. 

The " critic 1 ' will please consider that the base of this "Noble 
Cenotaph," {motto, excepted,) is to be of Scotch Granite, slivered 
off, with dynamite, from one of the -" 'ighest" and peek-ed-est 
peaks, of the " Grampian "ills." 



THE RAJAH, 91 



Note 31. So ponderous was the broad-sword of William 
Wallace, that with it, (it was said,) he could, at a single stroke, 
cleave down to the bridge of the nose, the very "thickest" of 
English skulls! A marvelous feat, truly! Samson was pretty 
strong. He could "split''' a lion and pull down a temple, but that 
he could cleave the skull of a modern "cockney 11 editor, in the 
manner stated, even in his palmiest days, "remains to be seenl" 

Note 32. "The brave Norman horse. 1 ' This should have 
been written the fat and hairy Norman horse. As the phrase now 
stands in the text, the reader will, undoubtedly, get the impression 
that the "reserv-ed force" was a whole troop of cavalry, under 
Mr. Roubles, whereas, the truth is, Mr. R. had only one horse 
under him, (the one which he was riding,) and although fat and 
hairy, the animal was known to be brave, only in the matter of 
consuming oats. 

Note 33. The term " Nin-kum-poo 11 is of very ancient In- 
dian origin. So ancient, in fact, as to partake, somewhat, of a 
"fishy" odor. 

Note 34. One "Sandy" Pope, an English poet, (with a 
Scotch prefix to his name,) was the first writer of note, who ap- 
plied the term "Lo 11 to the Indian. It occurs in that well known 
passage, "Lo, 11 the poor Indian, etc." So that the Arrapahoes or 
Sho-shon-ies can have absolutely no reason to complain of being 
called "Los. 11 Any Indian, or squaw, even, who would dispute 
such high literary authority, would dispute anything ! 



^^fMf 



Vn 






L1BRA RY OF CONGRESS 




013 785 839 3 







mmm' " 



m§Wiw>. 



■i 



